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How to Take a
Temperament
- by Helen F. Neville, B.S.R.N.
Why the harmonious
flow in Bonnie Benson's house and the emotional roller coaster at Carla
Clayborn's? Is it that Carl is a middle child? Or do her parents lack
basic parenting skills? Or peer pressure or single-parenthood? Or
unresolved issues from her parent's childhood? We have focused our study
of family systems on the multi-faceted environment.
Parents in large
families have always known that babies are different from the day they
are born. The first modern professionals to acknowledge the tremendous effect
of these inborn differences on family interaction were Drs. Stella Chess
and Alexander Thomas. After training in traditional psychiatry, they
pioneered 30 years of research, which has given us the vocabulary to work
with inborn differences
Temperament, clearly
visible by the age of four months, affects our lives well into adulthood.
Babies differ along a continuum from low to high, on each of the
following scales:
Activity Level - From the couch potato to
the athlete - one finds it hard to exercise, and the other hard to sit
still for long periods.
Sensitivity - From the low sensitivity
child who doesn't notice bruises or ear infections, to the highly
sensitive one who is miserable because of tags in clothing, or the taste
of a different brand of baby food.
Regularity - From those who wake and eat
according to an internal alarm clock to those whose body rhythms vary
significantly according to interest, activity and emotional state.
Intensity - From the mellow being who
smiles and whimpers, to the emotional dynamo, who screams with distress
and squeals with delight.
Curiosity/Caution - From those who instantly
reach out to explore with their fingers and feet to those who first watch
- until a situation becomes thoroughly familiar.
Adaptability - From those who move readily
through a routine day, to those who continually struggle with change. The
latter not only need extra transition time both to and from waking,
bathing, meals, home, daycare, but resent intrusion on their physical
boundaries necessitated by diaper changes, car seats, etc. Given the
effect of minor transitions, a new daycare or new sibling means.....
Frustration
Tolerance -
(or Persistence) - From those who naturally work for long periods (to
reach a toy or get their shoes on) to those who back off or plead for
help after a brief effort.
Distractibility - From those who are easily
soothed out of distress by a cooing parent (or later to look up from toys
because someone walks into the room), to those who remain focused on
their original project, whether crying or playing. Mood - From those who
are usually sunny, to those who are generally grouchy. There is some
controversy about this last trait. Does it stand alone? Or does it
reflect A) other traits - such as adaptability and frustration tolerance
and B) how comfortable this baby is in its environment.
There is no such
thing as a good or bad temperament. Babies (to say nothing of children
and adults!) thrive with Goodness of Fit - that is, with a reasonable
match between their temperament and their environment. However, any trait
can become a hazard. For example, in this fast changing culture, we value
high adaptability. But those of fast adapting temperament can get to the
end of the day (or a decade) and realize they have adapted so readily to
their surroundings that their own personal needs have slipped by unseen.
On the other hand, those who by nature are slow to adapt, can either
become overwhelmed by demands for change, or can become natural planners,
who learn to respectfully pace the amount of change in their lives.
To live and work
optimally with children, we need to integrate both nurture and nature; We
need to adapt interaction to the inborn characteristic of each
individual. Needless to say, this task will be more challenging to those
of us who need extra time to adapt to change! Are you wondering about
your child's temperament? A Family Resource provides inborn temperament
assessment and consultation. If you are challenged parenting a spirited
child, email us about on line temperament consultations and assessment. A
Family Resource facilitates on-going groups for parents of spirited
children. We also have interactive presentations available for parent
groups, teacher trainings and professional groups.
Helen F. Neville, B.S.R.N.
has 15 years experience in parent education, pediatric advice, and
teaching stress management. Helen co-leads the Temperament Program at
Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California and is co-author of Temperament
Tools: Working with your Child’s Inborn Temperament Traits.
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