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More Golden
Truths...
(Author Unknown)
For those with
children, those thinking about it, or those who now have an excuse not
to.
Things I've learned
from my children (honest and no kidding):
(1) There is no such
thing as child-proofing your house.
(2) If you spray hair
spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can
ignite.
(3) A 4 year-old's
voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
(4) If you hook a dog
leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42
pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
(5) It is strong
enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
(6) Baseballs make
marks on ceilings.
(7) You should not
throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
(8) When using the
ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit.
(9) A ceiling fan can
hit a baseball a long way.
(10) The glass in
windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
(11) When you hear
the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
(12) Brake fluid
mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
(13) A six year old
can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says
they can only do it in the movies.
(14) A magnifying
glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
(15) If you use a
waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak --
it explodes.
(16) A king size
waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
(17) Legos will pass
through the digestive tract of a four year old.
(18) Duplos will not.
(19) Play Dough and
Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
(20) Super glue is
forever.
(21) McGyver can
teach us many things we don't want to know.
(22) Ditto Tarzan.
(23) No matter how
much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
(24) Pool filters do
not like Jell-O.
(25) VCR's do not
eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
(26) Garbage bags do
not make good parachutes.
(27) Marbles in gas
tanks make lots of noise when driving.
(28) You probably do
not want to know what that odor is.
(29) Always look in
the oven before you turn it on.
(30) Plastic toys do
not like ovens.
(31) The fire
department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute
response time.
(32) The spin cycle
on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
(33) It will however
make cats dizzy.
(34) Cats throw up
twice their body weight when dizzy.
(35) Quiet does not
necessarily mean don't worry.
(36) A good sense of
humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly
in retrospect).
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