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The Miracle of
Love
- by Tim Jordan, M.D.
David was ten years
old when he came to my summer camp, and he arrived with alot of
"baggage". He’d grown up with an alcoholic, rageaholic abusive
father whom David had repeatedly seen beat up his mom. David had a 12
year old sister who was very quiet and very good at becoming invisible
like many kids learn when they grow up in such a home. David, on the
other hand, became like a lightening rod for his dad and mom’s anger and
rage. He was put down alot, hit alot. He’d been diagnosed with such
labels as ADD, LD, Behavior Disorder, and Conduct Disorder. He was
constantly getting into fights at school despite being tried on half a
dozen different medications ranging from Ritalin to Prozac. What we saw
when David arrived at camp was a boy who couldn’t look people in the eye,
trudged around with slumped shoulders and looked pale and angry. In
short, he just looked beat up.
Well, the first day
of camp, at our opening circle, David got into a fight. Amazing! He got
the worst of the ten second altercation with a slightly swollen lower lip
to show for it. And it was perfect, because once again he was beat up and
separate, a reflection of how he felt inside. Those first couple days,
David was tough to reach, as you can imagine. Very resistant, distant,
disconnected even from the other kids. But slowly he began to trust us.
On the third day of our group processing sessions, we got through. David
talked about his dad, the abuse, his fear and anger and sadness. He began
to cry and slowly the crying turned to sobbing, deep sobbing, as he
released some of the deep hurt and sadness he’d been holding onto for
years. After that session David was different. Some color came back to
his face. He smiled, made eye contact, played with the other kids more.
He allowed the adult counselors to "hang" with him. He just
came alive. It was so incredible to watch him come out from his
protective shell and just be himself. He was our biggest miracle that
week.
The afternoon before
the last day when the parents were to arrive to pick up their kids, David
got into a fight. He hadn’t shown that kind of behavior since the first
day, although it’s common for campers to feel anxious the day before
their parents come. Anxious because some kids are going back to unhealthy
environments; anxious and sad because they will soon be leaving new
friends they’ve become so close to. Well, we separated the kids and they
worked out their disagreement and then I asked David to take a walk with
me. And as we walked, I told him how proud of him I was for all the work he’d
done that week; how open and vulnerable he’d been; how he’d been willing
to trust us and let us in; how much he’d changed. At that moment this
beautiful butterfly came fluttering around us and landed on the path
right in front of us, so we stopped for a moment to admire it. And I told
David that the butterfly’s presence was perfect, because in native
American folklore, (which we had been talking about during the week),
they believed that when a butterfly crossed your path it symbolized that
you either were or were about to undergo a big transformation (like the
caterpillar changes into the butterfly). So the butterfly was backing me
up about him having changed so much. At that moment, David looked up at
me, with the old, discouraged look on his face and said, "What if
the butterfly is not here for me? Maybe he’s here for you!"
Whew! I was
momentarily stunned and my mind started racing, trying to come up with
some great reassuring answer, but before I could figure it out, the
universe as usual, came through. The butterfly suddenly flew up into the
air, fluttered around us again, and then landed right on David’s shirt,
right over his heart! No words were spoken, no words were needed. But
I’ll never forget the look on that boy’s face in that miraculous moment.
For the look on his face became one of pure joy and hope. Hope that he
could be different. Hope that his life and future could be different. It
was like in that moment, he internalized all the lessons he had learned
that week. Lessons like I can trust people; it’s safe to let people in;
there are people who will care about me and love and accept me for who I
am.
Sometimes I worry
about campers like David, going back to homes that aren’t as healthy and
supportive and loving as they deserve. But I have faith that those
magical moments created by our group sessions, our counselors, and that
miraculous butterfly will create a place in their hearts that they can
turn to in those tough times when they need to remember just how lovable
and awesome they truly are.
With his wife, Anne
Jordan, R.N., Dr. Jordan owns and runs the Children & Families, Inc. of St.
Louis out of which he operates his private practice, in addition to
teaching and training instructors for numerous courses including,
Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB); Redirecting for Cooperative
Classrooms (RCC), a six week course for teachers; Kids Camp and Teens
Camp, a summer camp that encourages leadership, self responsibility, and
high self-esteem. Children and Families, Inc. is here to teach and support
you in new ways of growing. A wide variety of courses is offered by
Children and Families, Inc., including the areas of parenting, personal
growth, marriage enhancement and self-esteem camps for children and
teens.
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