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Setting Limits on
Television
by Deborah Critzer
The average teenager watches
7 hours of television a day. This is a horrifying number, in my opinion.
While TV can be educational, most of what the children watch when left to
their judgment is certainly not educational.
Most of you that have
taken my class know that I haven't had television for over 9 years. That
is, I have no cable with stations and such. I do have a TV with a VCR and
we have a library of videos and rent movies all the time. We also play
many board games. Three years ago, we bought a PlayStation. In addition,
we have a wide variety of games that play on the computer, some
educational, some not. I have many of the same fights over these forms of
media that families with cable have over programs that the kids are
watching. Over the years I have come up with some strategies for handling
the fighting and excessive use of these toys.
One of the problems
is that kids ignore parents when they are watching TV. They forget to
eat, clean up after themselves, do their chores and play. Parents nag,
kids ignore, the battle rages everyday in this manner.
The key to taking
back control of the media in your home is to make agreements ahead of
time - before the TV/computer ever goes on. There should be a clear
agreement that spells out the limits and rules about the use of the game.
When a new "Spiro" game comes out on PlayStation, my kids will
fight for days (if no agreements are made) over who gets to play. The
rule we have is that they must make a schedule before they turn it on.
They have to agree who plays, for how long and even write down exactly
what time each will play. They all have to sign it, as if it's a
contract. Here's what it might look like:
Who gets to be on
Play Station:
Michelle 3:30-4:00
Briana 4:00-4:30
Michael 4:30-5:00
X_______________X______________X_______________
The first agreement
is that they must do this before they turn on the game. The second
agreement is that they make a detailed schedule of who plays and when. It
must be hung up on the refrigerator. That way, if I think one kid is over
the limit, or if there is a fight over whose turn it is, I can simply
refer to the schedule. If they do not adhere to their agreement, than the
game is off for the day. I have found this routine to be a great way to
keep myself out of the battles and for the kids to work out their issues
with each other.
With television, you
can set limits in a similar manner. Sit down with the family on Sunday
when the TV Guide arrives. Make a chart with the programs that each will
watch, make sure to have the TV off at all other times. One mom I know
also includes a "NO TV" night every week.
It is also helpful to
make an agreement about what needs to happen before turning on the TV or
video game. For example, my son likes to get up early and play. The
agreement is that he has to be fully ready for school before he turns on
the computer. It is spelled out in the agreement that he needs to get
dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth and make his lunch. After just a
few weeks of following through with the consequences, he learned to get everything
finished before turning on the games.
The most important
factor for the agreement to work is consistent follow through. Make sure
that you stay involved with the kids, both in the agreement-making phase
and while they are playing. Make sure that they adhere to the schedule.
Follow through with the consequences with a kind and firm attitude.
"It's a bummer that the PlayStation is off for the rest of the
day". Don't give in to their pleading or promises.
The giving in is what
undermines our authority. The children come to believe that if they make
promises to behave better, then we will give in. They typically forget in
a rather short period of time and we become exhausted and angry that they
are not keeping their end of the bargain. However, if we have agreed that
the TV will go off if the agreement is not kept, and then we give in to a
"bargain" we are showing our children that bargains do not
necessarily have to be kept. This is why the battle goes on and on.
During the training
period of implementing a new agreement (usually 2-4 weeks) it is very
important to maintain complete consistency and follow-through. Being
flexible should not be an option during the training phase of the
agreement. Flexibility is crucial in parenting, and there is a time and
place for it. The time for flexibility is not while helping children
learn a new routine. Once a new routine is established, then you can
become more flexible if you think that is appropriate. My experience has
led me to believe that too much flexibility with routines leads to
misbehaving kids. It's better to maintain consistency with agreements and
be flexible with issues that come up "in the moment". That is
just my experience.
With some work and
effort initially, making agreements with the kids and creating a plan for
follow-through, you can avoid so many of the headaches you face on a
daily basis, fighting over the excessive TV watching or fights over the
TV. Start today, making a family routine that brings order and sanity to
your home!
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